Here's a little story ....

Okay, I am completely overwhelmed by the number of people participating in, and succeeding at BHE's Blogger Butt Smackdown. I am so proud of you, keep up the good work. I, however, because I am unmotivated, and well- just lazy- am not currently participating (well I am, but I'm not telling anyone, that way if(when) I fail, I will not have to admit my failures in bloggy world). So, because there are so many of you out there, dieting.... excercising.... dieting...... excercising..... i thought I would share a little story ;)

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 26 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo-Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure this must be based on a true strory. One I didn't write, nor do I know who did, but because I have once experienced a week of HELL as described in this story, I thought it was just too damn funny not to share :)

::: BREAKING NEWS :::

In 2009 the government will start deporting all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run my little crazy friend, run!

Well, what can I say?? Someone sent it to me, and durn it, I'm NOT going alone!!
I'm taking you all with me !!

Is it really Monday?

So it’s Monday. Again.

I have decided I am not a Monday person. Ever. Not that I am a big Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday person either. This Monday is particularly sucky!

My weekend flew by. Cheerleader Girl had a cheerleading competition that consumed the majority of the weekend. That doesn’t particularly bother me because I love to see her compete (Some may say I’m kind of a psycho cheer mom, but I’m not really. I mean I’m not from Texas or anything). It’s just that dang it, Monday morning got here really fast!

I had to go to the doctor this morning… yeah – THAT doctor. The lay down, scoot forward, put your feet here and here one! What the HELL was I thinking going FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING? In fairness to the doctor, to whom this is my first visit(not ever, just to her), she was extremely nice and I wasn’t uncomfortable, well I mean what ever comfortable is there. But still! Monday morning? UGH! Then the gown they gave me (the “it ties in the front one) DOESN’T HAVE ANY TIES!! Wtf!! Who does that. And to top it all off, they took blood! A LOT of blood. What ever happened to lets stick your finger? Geez I am not diggin’ this getting older crap! And on MONDAY MORNING?

I manage to make out of the doctor’s office with my dignity still in tact, thanks to the wonderful staff at my now new physicians office, and guess what! It’s SNOWING! Now, on any other day that probably would be a good thing, except I am wearing my favorite suede jacket today and it’s pissing me off that the beautiful snowflakes continue land on my jacket. And in case you are wondering, yes, I watched the weather, and the weatherman lied. He said snow- TOMORROW.

I get to work, now I am an hour ½ late because I had to go to THAT doctor this morning. Not a big deal really, except that my boss was on vacation last week…. Well he’s baaaacck. And I’m late, which has given him time to catch up on emails and respond to all the emails that I sent him LAST week. Which means I’m already behind. I know you ask, how can I find time to blog and still be behind…. Well, he’s gone for the day now! And I needed to vent!

But I feel better now, and I am glad that I am employed, and I am healthy, and it is no longer snowing, so my favorite suede jacket will survive to see another day, and hopefully, the good Lord willing, I will make it another week. But next week I will probably be whining again because it will be Monday, and I will be hung over from the Superbowl party at which BHE and I will be consuming wine and South Beach Diet stuff (not cuz I’m dieting, but because she is, and she is my friend and I wouldn’t want to tempt her with bad things, cuz good friends would NEVER do that-hahahahahahahah).

Thanks for listening to (reading about) my rant!

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL week!

Honest Scrap

Guess what!! Guess what!! Guess what!! I won my very first Award. Yea for me!! I never win anything! But thanks to my friend Noe Noe Girl I won the

She seems to think I love living life… well of course I do, cuz it dang sure beats the alternative! Thanks Noe Noe Girl! I LOVE my new award ! Now if she could just help me win the lottery :)

The rules for this award are: First, choose a minimum of seven blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Secondly, show the seven winners' names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap". Another award to add to your list of awards. Lastly, list at least ten honest things about yourself.

There are so many people deserving of this award it was hard to pick only 7.

1. Big Hair Envy- She is my reason for doing this blog thing. If it wasn’t for her, I never would have gotten into this.
2. Cool Breeze Musings- Because he is married to BHE and because I know him, it is hard to believe he has a blog :)
3. Suz over at Busy as a Bee - I love her desire to save the world. And her sarcasm makes me laugh.
4. The Keeper- Because she is a fellow cheer mom and I love to hear about her adventures -
5. CBW at Life in Matthews- I love her pics and her hilarious stories.
6. Mental P Mama- Because she had a birthday this week J
7. Noe Noe Girl- Even though she has already received this award, I felt like I should mention her again since she ALWAYS brings a smile to my face when I read her posts.

So, enough about them, let’s talk about me- just kidding. Here are 10 things about me you might not know or care to know J But they are true none the less.

1-When I can find time, I watch “The Hills”, “The City” and the new 90210 (have I mentioned before I just love my DVR and OnDemand) I know, it’s juvenile, but what can I say. I am living vicariously through Lauren and Whitney and for heavens sake, Kelly and Brenda are both back in the 90210.

2-I read all 4 books in the Twilight Series in less than a week.

3-I love the beach, but hate the sand.

4-I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers, yet I am an only child, and no I wasn’t adopted (at least I don’t think so. Am I adopted mom?).

5-I have a FaceBook and I am not ashamed to admit it. Addicted yes, but not ashamed.

6-I have been to 13 different countries (14 including the US), swam in both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and the Gulf of Mexico, but have never been to the Grand Canyon. Venice, Italy and Dubrovnik, Croatia are my two favorite places I have been

7-I love “24” It’s probably my most favorite show on television!

8-I despise doing laundry. I’m pretty sure the laundry baskets in my house have no bottoms to them. And if they do, the laundry in them is like the Gremlins and multiplies after midnight. They are NEVER empty. If I could afford it, I would take it to the little Chinese lady every week and PAY her to do it. (That’s a post for another day- the laundry, not the Chinese lady)

9-I won 1st place for my chili in a chili cook-off at work. I didn’t think it was all that, but apparently it was the hit of the day. I was asked to make it again this year. Bet it’s not as good as BHE’s.

10-I am thankful for my wonderful husband and love him with all my heart. He is my best friend!


Happy Friday everyone! I will be spending my weekend at a Cheerleading Competition! Hope everyone’s weekend is filled with tons of fun!

FBK

I did it. I can’t believe I actually did it. I swore I would NEVER do it. But, well, I did it. I drank the FBK. My friend told me it went down “smooth” and man oh man was she right. I just can’t get enough of it. It has begun to consume my life. There is not enough time in the day to absorb enough of it. I am completely over the top addicted. I can’t get it at work, thank God, but I can’t wait to get home. I sit sometimes and stare and day dream about what others are doing while drinking the FBK and how long till I can have some of my own. While consuming the FBK, I am completely un-productive. My children don’t eat. My house doesn’t get cleaned. The laundry continues to pile up. The dishes don’t get washed. My husband drank it too. His addiction is as bad as mine. So now we are co-dependents.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, we drank the FaceBook Koolaid.

It’s even worse for me than blogging. (Well maybe not, because I can blog at work- like I am doing now). How will I ever keep up with the two of them?

I am going to have to start attending IAA, Internet Addicts Anonymous. "Hello, my name is Mom x 2. I am an internet addict, and my sites of choice are FaceBook and It's a Crazy World Out There. Would anyone like to be my sponsor?"

On a lighter note, I have connected with people I have not seen or talked to in 20+ years. My entire family is on FaceBook, so it is much easier to keep in touch with them. It has been amazing catching back up with people and seeing that no one really looks like they did back then. But it truly is addicting.

4 X 4 Meme

I was tagged for this by my good friend BHE . This one was easy, and required very little thinking (which is a really good thing)

Here are the rules:
1. Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2. Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag 4 people to do the same.

This was the house we stayed at in Kona, Hawaii. It is right across from Lyman's Bay, which is a big local surf spot in Kailau-Kona. It had a little place next door that the locals would park their cars and when that was full, they would pull up and park on the ocean side of the road. It was really cool to get up in the morning and have a cup of Kona coffee and watch the surfers- old and young alike.

I'm not sure who to tag, but how about.....

Kristin

Grandma J

Pleasing Procrastinator

SSG

I don't know if they'll do them or not, but I'll give it a shot!

I Survived!!!

It was 6am on Sunday morning just one day after the coldest day of the winter season. (I say season, because its only January something and “the year” didn’t seem to have enough impact). I rolled out of bed wondering why am I doing this? I drag my feet down the hall to my kids’ room to wake them, and they give me the “Are you kidding me” grunt but they too, roll out of bed. We all layer in UnderArmor and Hot Chillys, fleece pants and shirts, and mosey downstairs. I am in dire need of coffee. My husband, bless his heart, realizes this and already has a cup with cream and sugar awaiting my arrival. He has also made pancakes and loaded the car with the PILE of stuff laying in the dining room floor (did I mention it was 6am?) After breakfast we load into the car, along with Cheerleader Girl’s boyfriend and head North. I’m thinking to myself “I’m probably going to die today.” Fortunately I don’t mean in the literal sense. We headed up the mountain to Massanutten Ski Resort for a fun-filled day of skiing and snowboarding (ahem… did I just say fun?). We haven’t done this in 2 years, and I have not done any serious working out in the last couple, months, I mean years, so I am pretty sure I am going to be so sore later that I can’t walk. But I do it anyway. Ya, know what? I SURVIVED!! And surprisingly enough, I really didn’t have that much trouble walking the next day. Must be the alcohol- haha. Below are some pictures from our fun, fun day.

I mean it is early, but this is Gangsta Ninja in the flesh :)

The Salsman is now a rastafarian stormtrooper.

Proof that we were there, and actually did ski! See BHE, I swear I didn't sit by the fire all day drinking Hot Toddies ;)
Bud was snowboarding Black Diamond slopes (those are the hard ones) by the end of the day. By himself of course, cuz I dang sure can't do them.

Cheerleader Girl makes it looks so easy!

She always looks so pretty with all of her garb on. I look like someone took an airhose and hooked it up to my jacket and turned it on full blast! It's just not fair!!!!

My favorites :) We all had a lot of fun......

......... Until next time :)

Alphabet Meme

While visiting Suz's I read about her Alphabet Meme. I'm new to this whole Meme thing, but it looked like fun, so I decided to play along.

Here's the deal:

Leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter. Write about ten things you love that begin with said letter. Post the list on your blog. When people comment on your list, you assign a letter, and the game continues.

I'm not pushy, so if you leave a comment, but don't want a letter, that's okay too.

My letter was "M"

1) Money - Duh! Who doesn't love money?

2) Milk Chocolate - The really creamy kind

3) Milk & Cookies - Oreos especically, but I'm not real picky

4) Milkshakes - Chocolate of course

5) Malted Milk Balls - Anyone finding a pattern here- it's all about the food!

6) Machine Washable Stuff - I love it when I buy something that looks like it should be dry cleaned, but doesn't need to be.

7) Massages - I'm sure I will need one after my ski trip this weekend. My husband gives the best ones though!

8) Meeting new people

9) Mark Wahlberg - Well DUH!

10) Mom - I saved the best for last! She beats out all the other "M's" - even Money and Milk Chocolate!

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall....

I have become my mother after all.

Don't get me wrong.... that's not necessarily a bad thing. Actually, all things considered, it's a pretty darn good thing, but still!

As I ventured out on my lunch hour yesterday, I looked down only to realize that my fuel gauge looked something like this:

And my "how many miles left on this tank" guage said 19 !

Now, it was cold here yesterday… not like it is where Pleasing Procastinator is, but cold enough that the thought of getting gas just made me shiver (and curse)- a lot. And it's going to be even colder tomorrow. At any rate, it was a necessity, so I had to do it. Especially since today it is only 15 degrees here but with the wind chill it is in the single digits. (I mean it is above zero, but not by much). While I was sitting in my car waiting for it to fill up (yes, I know your not supposed to do that, but it was cold) I’m thinking to myself, how many times has Mom said, “Never run your gas tank below ¼ of a tank. You just never know when you might get stuck.”

Well, some things you never learn.... but it made me think about some of the other things my mother used to say.

Below are a just a few of them. Actually, she still says some of them. The only differences now are that

a) I don’t have to listen to them.

b) I DO listen to them and the best one….

c) I actually repeat them to my own kids.

“I hear what you are saying, but look at it this way…..”

“Make sure you wash your face and brush your teeth before you go to bed.”

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” (I know, not real original, but she still said it)

“A place for everything, and everything in its place.”

I’m sure there is a TON more…. I just can’t seem to think of them, go figure ;)

(by the way Mom, if your reading this… I love you!!)

What things did your mom used to (or still does) say to you that you now find yourself saying to your own children?

24

I have decided that "24" is the Best. Show. On. Television. Thank goodness for my DVR (for many, many reasons, but that's a post for another day).

As I was watching THE show of the season last night (yes, I'm a little behind- but did you read the part about my DVR), I realized that it didn't make sense for me to be so excited about a television show. And then I realized, I just. Don't. Care. I love this show! Jack Bauer is my hero!

Anyone else watch this show? Are you as obsessed as me?

99 things

I stole this from The Incredible Woody. It's long, but I realized how many things I have and have not done and how many things I still have left to do in my life.... You're supposed to put the things you've done in BOLD, and I put the things I want to do in green.

1. Started your own blog - Well I mean, sorta

2. Slept under the stars - I haven't done it in awhile, but sure do miss those days- haha or nights.

3. Played in a band - I was 1st chair Flute all through middle school. And I play a mean bass on Guitar Hero

4. Visited Hawaii - My brother lived there for a bit.... I Loved it.... but it sure is far away and really really expensive.

5. Watched a meteor shower -

6. Given more than you can afford to charity - We've given more than I felt we could afford but apparently we could afford it because we never went hungry. Or maybe we were rewarded for trusting! ( I stole this too..... I have to agree )

7. Been to Disneyland - and DisneyWorld

8. Climbed a mountain - If climbing back up the ski slope to retrieve the dang ski that just popped off my boot when I tumbled down the same slope counts.... then yes! Several times ;)

9. Held a praying mantis- not a bug fan... not even the cool ones.

10. Sang a solo - I was in the Peanuts musical in high school.!!

11. Bungee jumped- not sure I really want to. Must be my age.

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - On a cruise.... coolest thing!

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - Heck no! Unless you count stick people.

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning - Yea, no fun!!

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty- Just rode around it on the boat ;)

18. Grown your own vegetables -

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train - I want to do this when I travel to Europe. Maybe I could do Paris and the Mona Lisa then too!

21. Had a pillow fight -

22. Hitch hiked -

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - Well duh! Haven't we all??

24. Built a snow fort - Not lately....Sure would like to see some real snow!

25. Held a lamb -

26. Gone skinny dipping - Hope my kids don't read this!

27. Run a Marathon - Only reason to run is if you are being chased.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice- Totally cool!!

29. Seen a total eclipse - lunar and solar

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - At the beach is the best!

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise - To the Mediterranean! Cool Trip!

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person -

35. Seen an Amish community - in Pennsylvania

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - Is this really possible?

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing -

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David -

41. Sung karaoke - If you want to call it singing :(

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt -

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight -

46. Been transported by ambulance - Scariest thing ever... hope to never be again!

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling - In Hawaii, Cancun, St. Thomas, Jamaica, and I'm sure there are more... but those were the coolest places!

52. Kissed in the rain -

53. Played in the mud -

54. Gone to a drive-in theater -Wish they were still around

55. Been in a movie - do home movies count?

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business -

58. Taken a martial arts class but I didn't last very long :( I'm such a wimp!

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies - bought plenty too!

62. Gone whale watching - So wanna go

63. Got flowers for no reason - One of the secrets to a great marriage!

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma - Wish I could... I'm enemic :(

65. Gone sky diving- Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane.... VOLUNTARILY?

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp -

67. Bounced a check - before I learned that just because you have checks doesn't mean you have money.

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy - Well Barbies.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial -

71. Eaten Caviar - And have no desire to eat it again.

72. Pieced a quilt -

73. Stood in Times Square - Stayed there too!

74. Toured the Everglades -

75. Been fired from a job - Thank goodness no, at least not yet.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone - Hence the trip in the ambulance. Car accident, 8 months pregnant with my son, broke both wrists and my left arm. NOT a fun time!

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle -

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person - Unless you count from an airplane

80. Published a book -

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car - hate the payment :(

83. Walked in Jerusalem -

84. Had your picture in the newspaper -

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve - Not that I remember.

86. Visited the White House - Never been inside though

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating -

88. Had chickenpox - 2nd grade

89. Saved someone’s life -

90. Sat on a jury -

91. Met someone famous -

92. Joined a book club- bad idea... but I just LOVE to read!

93. Lost a loved one - unfortunately

94. Had a baby - 2!

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake -

97. Been involved in a law suit - Does a divorce count?

98. Owned a cell phone - Definitely ! Couldn't go with out it!

99. Been stung by a bee - in Hawaii... how is it I was in an SUV with the windows down and my brother was in a covertible with the damn top down and I GET STUNG!!!! Not fair... of course he thought it was better me than him :)

Wrestling Weekend!

For those of you that don’t know, my son, Bud, is a wrestler. He started wrestling when he was in 6th grade for his middle school and for a recreational youth club. He didn’t wrestle a single middle school match until his 8th grade year and then he went undefeated. But let me tell you, it wasn’t an easy road….. he joined a club where he practiced with state champions and got his butt kicked 3 or 4 days a week, trained under nationally known coaches at camps in Pennsylvania(a state known for it’s wrestling) for weeks in the summer, traveled far and wide to meet the toughest competition he could get. He took his first year of high school off because he didn’t weigh enough to wrestle the lowest weight class (103 pounds) but finally, this year, he is able to wrestle. The other kid on his team in the same weight class is a senior and state ranked, so Bud only wrestles sub-varsity (kind of like JV, but not really). Which, for him- and mom, at this point is just fine……

This past weekend was one of many more to come…. All about wrestling. Bud’s team was in a tournament with 20 other teams that went from 2pm -10pm on Friday and 10am – 9pm on Saturday. That’s a lot of wrestling!!! I love to see my son on the mat! When he wins there is no better feeling than when I see his face light up and his teammates cheer for him. But I gotta tell ya- There is just something not right about the “singlets” they wear. You know, the skimpy, too tight, piece of material that looks like it was painted on?? Who in the world came up with that “uniform?” I know, I’m a wrestling mom, and I should probably have an answer – but I just don’t. Wrestlers have to be the LEAST modest people on the face of the high school planet! They don’t care what shows, what it looks like when it shows, and who sees it. I’m a mom, I don’t really think about it that way because, well, I’m a mom- and I’m a wrestling mom. So I’ve been around a lot of wrestlers for a while now, but high school is a whole different beast. And there are LOTS of HIGH SCHOOL girls there! I just wonder what THEIR moms are thinking?? I keep telling my son…. Put some dang clothes on! Those girls don’t need to be looking at you that way! He’s a wrestler, and a guy and his response is “Huh?” I guess this will continue to be a question for which I have no answer. If anyone has an answer, please enlighten me!

Hope everyone else’s weekend was Wonderful!

Oh my.. It's been awhile!

As I sit here and listen to the radio- Staind's song "Its been awhile" is playing on the radio, so I figuered it was time I got back to this blogging thing. I could come up with a number of reasons I haven't been out here, but I will just leave it at "I'm just lazy!"

So, with the New Year, I decided it was time to get back! My kids keep me extremely busy, but I still need "me" time and I decided, I would spend some of it out here in blogger world....

With that, I'll leave you wondering what wonderful things I have to say about this new year......