Here's a little story ....

Okay, I am completely overwhelmed by the number of people participating in, and succeeding at BHE's Blogger Butt Smackdown. I am so proud of you, keep up the good work. I, however, because I am unmotivated, and well- just lazy- am not currently participating (well I am, but I'm not telling anyone, that way if(when) I fail, I will not have to admit my failures in bloggy world). So, because there are so many of you out there, dieting.... excercising.... dieting...... excercising..... i thought I would share a little story ;)

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 26 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo-Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure this must be based on a true strory. One I didn't write, nor do I know who did, but because I have once experienced a week of HELL as described in this story, I thought it was just too damn funny not to share :)

::: BREAKING NEWS :::

In 2009 the government will start deporting all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run my little crazy friend, run!

Well, what can I say?? Someone sent it to me, and durn it, I'm NOT going alone!!
I'm taking you all with me !!

Is it really Monday?

So it’s Monday. Again.

I have decided I am not a Monday person. Ever. Not that I am a big Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday person either. This Monday is particularly sucky!

My weekend flew by. Cheerleader Girl had a cheerleading competition that consumed the majority of the weekend. That doesn’t particularly bother me because I love to see her compete (Some may say I’m kind of a psycho cheer mom, but I’m not really. I mean I’m not from Texas or anything). It’s just that dang it, Monday morning got here really fast!

I had to go to the doctor this morning… yeah – THAT doctor. The lay down, scoot forward, put your feet here and here one! What the HELL was I thinking going FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING? In fairness to the doctor, to whom this is my first visit(not ever, just to her), she was extremely nice and I wasn’t uncomfortable, well I mean what ever comfortable is there. But still! Monday morning? UGH! Then the gown they gave me (the “it ties in the front one) DOESN’T HAVE ANY TIES!! Wtf!! Who does that. And to top it all off, they took blood! A LOT of blood. What ever happened to lets stick your finger? Geez I am not diggin’ this getting older crap! And on MONDAY MORNING?

I manage to make out of the doctor’s office with my dignity still in tact, thanks to the wonderful staff at my now new physicians office, and guess what! It’s SNOWING! Now, on any other day that probably would be a good thing, except I am wearing my favorite suede jacket today and it’s pissing me off that the beautiful snowflakes continue land on my jacket. And in case you are wondering, yes, I watched the weather, and the weatherman lied. He said snow- TOMORROW.

I get to work, now I am an hour ½ late because I had to go to THAT doctor this morning. Not a big deal really, except that my boss was on vacation last week…. Well he’s baaaacck. And I’m late, which has given him time to catch up on emails and respond to all the emails that I sent him LAST week. Which means I’m already behind. I know you ask, how can I find time to blog and still be behind…. Well, he’s gone for the day now! And I needed to vent!

But I feel better now, and I am glad that I am employed, and I am healthy, and it is no longer snowing, so my favorite suede jacket will survive to see another day, and hopefully, the good Lord willing, I will make it another week. But next week I will probably be whining again because it will be Monday, and I will be hung over from the Superbowl party at which BHE and I will be consuming wine and South Beach Diet stuff (not cuz I’m dieting, but because she is, and she is my friend and I wouldn’t want to tempt her with bad things, cuz good friends would NEVER do that-hahahahahahahah).

Thanks for listening to (reading about) my rant!

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL week!

Honest Scrap

Guess what!! Guess what!! Guess what!! I won my very first Award. Yea for me!! I never win anything! But thanks to my friend Noe Noe Girl I won the

She seems to think I love living life… well of course I do, cuz it dang sure beats the alternative! Thanks Noe Noe Girl! I LOVE my new award ! Now if she could just help me win the lottery :)

The rules for this award are: First, choose a minimum of seven blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Secondly, show the seven winners' names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap". Another award to add to your list of awards. Lastly, list at least ten honest things about yourself.

There are so many people deserving of this award it was hard to pick only 7.

1. Big Hair Envy- She is my reason for doing this blog thing. If it wasn’t for her, I never would have gotten into this.
2. Cool Breeze Musings- Because he is married to BHE and because I know him, it is hard to believe he has a blog :)
3. Suz over at Busy as a Bee - I love her desire to save the world. And her sarcasm makes me laugh.
4. The Keeper- Because she is a fellow cheer mom and I love to hear about her adventures -
5. CBW at Life in Matthews- I love her pics and her hilarious stories.
6. Mental P Mama- Because she had a birthday this week J
7. Noe Noe Girl- Even though she has already received this award, I felt like I should mention her again since she ALWAYS brings a smile to my face when I read her posts.

So, enough about them, let’s talk about me- just kidding. Here are 10 things about me you might not know or care to know J But they are true none the less.

1-When I can find time, I watch “The Hills”, “The City” and the new 90210 (have I mentioned before I just love my DVR and OnDemand) I know, it’s juvenile, but what can I say. I am living vicariously through Lauren and Whitney and for heavens sake, Kelly and Brenda are both back in the 90210.

2-I read all 4 books in the Twilight Series in less than a week.

3-I love the beach, but hate the sand.

4-I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers, yet I am an only child, and no I wasn’t adopted (at least I don’t think so. Am I adopted mom?).

5-I have a FaceBook and I am not ashamed to admit it. Addicted yes, but not ashamed.

6-I have been to 13 different countries (14 including the US), swam in both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and the Gulf of Mexico, but have never been to the Grand Canyon. Venice, Italy and Dubrovnik, Croatia are my two favorite places I have been

7-I love “24” It’s probably my most favorite show on television!

8-I despise doing laundry. I’m pretty sure the laundry baskets in my house have no bottoms to them. And if they do, the laundry in them is like the Gremlins and multiplies after midnight. They are NEVER empty. If I could afford it, I would take it to the little Chinese lady every week and PAY her to do it. (That’s a post for another day- the laundry, not the Chinese lady)

9-I won 1st place for my chili in a chili cook-off at work. I didn’t think it was all that, but apparently it was the hit of the day. I was asked to make it again this year. Bet it’s not as good as BHE’s.

10-I am thankful for my wonderful husband and love him with all my heart. He is my best friend!


Happy Friday everyone! I will be spending my weekend at a Cheerleading Competition! Hope everyone’s weekend is filled with tons of fun!

FBK

I did it. I can’t believe I actually did it. I swore I would NEVER do it. But, well, I did it. I drank the FBK. My friend told me it went down “smooth” and man oh man was she right. I just can’t get enough of it. It has begun to consume my life. There is not enough time in the day to absorb enough of it. I am completely over the top addicted. I can’t get it at work, thank God, but I can’t wait to get home. I sit sometimes and stare and day dream about what others are doing while drinking the FBK and how long till I can have some of my own. While consuming the FBK, I am completely un-productive. My children don’t eat. My house doesn’t get cleaned. The laundry continues to pile up. The dishes don’t get washed. My husband drank it too. His addiction is as bad as mine. So now we are co-dependents.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, we drank the FaceBook Koolaid.

It’s even worse for me than blogging. (Well maybe not, because I can blog at work- like I am doing now). How will I ever keep up with the two of them?

I am going to have to start attending IAA, Internet Addicts Anonymous. "Hello, my name is Mom x 2. I am an internet addict, and my sites of choice are FaceBook and It's a Crazy World Out There. Would anyone like to be my sponsor?"

On a lighter note, I have connected with people I have not seen or talked to in 20+ years. My entire family is on FaceBook, so it is much easier to keep in touch with them. It has been amazing catching back up with people and seeing that no one really looks like they did back then. But it truly is addicting.

4 X 4 Meme

I was tagged for this by my good friend BHE . This one was easy, and required very little thinking (which is a really good thing)

Here are the rules:
1. Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2. Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag 4 people to do the same.

This was the house we stayed at in Kona, Hawaii. It is right across from Lyman's Bay, which is a big local surf spot in Kailau-Kona. It had a little place next door that the locals would park their cars and when that was full, they would pull up and park on the ocean side of the road. It was really cool to get up in the morning and have a cup of Kona coffee and watch the surfers- old and young alike.

I'm not sure who to tag, but how about.....

Kristin

Grandma J

Pleasing Procrastinator

SSG

I don't know if they'll do them or not, but I'll give it a shot!

I Survived!!!

It was 6am on Sunday morning just one day after the coldest day of the winter season. (I say season, because its only January something and “the year” didn’t seem to have enough impact). I rolled out of bed wondering why am I doing this? I drag my feet down the hall to my kids’ room to wake them, and they give me the “Are you kidding me” grunt but they too, roll out of bed. We all layer in UnderArmor and Hot Chillys, fleece pants and shirts, and mosey downstairs. I am in dire need of coffee. My husband, bless his heart, realizes this and already has a cup with cream and sugar awaiting my arrival. He has also made pancakes and loaded the car with the PILE of stuff laying in the dining room floor (did I mention it was 6am?) After breakfast we load into the car, along with Cheerleader Girl’s boyfriend and head North. I’m thinking to myself “I’m probably going to die today.” Fortunately I don’t mean in the literal sense. We headed up the mountain to Massanutten Ski Resort for a fun-filled day of skiing and snowboarding (ahem… did I just say fun?). We haven’t done this in 2 years, and I have not done any serious working out in the last couple, months, I mean years, so I am pretty sure I am going to be so sore later that I can’t walk. But I do it anyway. Ya, know what? I SURVIVED!! And surprisingly enough, I really didn’t have that much trouble walking the next day. Must be the alcohol- haha. Below are some pictures from our fun, fun day.

I mean it is early, but this is Gangsta Ninja in the flesh :)

The Salsman is now a rastafarian stormtrooper.

Proof that we were there, and actually did ski! See BHE, I swear I didn't sit by the fire all day drinking Hot Toddies ;)
Bud was snowboarding Black Diamond slopes (those are the hard ones) by the end of the day. By himself of course, cuz I dang sure can't do them.

Cheerleader Girl makes it looks so easy!

She always looks so pretty with all of her garb on. I look like someone took an airhose and hooked it up to my jacket and turned it on full blast! It's just not fair!!!!

My favorites :) We all had a lot of fun......

......... Until next time :)