I’m kind of angry with God right now. I don’t usually get mad at Him, but 2 grandparents in one summer is just not fair. My Father in law is not fairing well, and although we are still waiting on the results from all of the tests, the prognosis doesn’t look good.

And I am sad.
I am sad that my husband is ½ country away and is having to deal with all of this and I can’t be there to comfort him.
I am sad that my children may have to deal with the death of another grandparent, even though they are not close. It is a two-fold thing. The loss of another, and the painful memory of the loss of the last.

At the same time, I feel guilty. Life here is continuing, while life in Indiana/Chicago is suffering. We still go to work, go to practice, go out to dinner, live our lives.
I feel guilty for being happy that my son has a new girlfriend that he seems to really like.
I feel guilty for being ecstatic that my daughter made both varsity and competition cheerleading and is Captain on both teams. Finally.
I feel guilty for being excited for school to start. For my daughter to start her senior year and for my son to start is junior one.
I feel guilty for looking forward for good things to come this school year.
I feel guilty for wishing my husband was home, instead of several states away when I know the right thing for him to do is to be with his mom and brothers right now.
I feel guilty for not being there with him and his family as they make these life decisions, and I feel guilty that I am thankful I don’t have to make them.

And I don’t know if I am wrong to feel all of these things, including the guilt. I feel as if things are spinning out of control, and there doesn’t seem to be a way to make the spinning stop. I just want time to slow down a little and let me catch my breath.