Wednesday, February 18, 2009

To God, From Dog

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?


Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Good one!
Those dogs of yours are not spoiled much are they??

Grandma J said...

I love anything "dog". Thank you for the laughs and the irony of it all.

Caution Flag said...

You got me laughing, girl. Thanks :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

So cute and so true. your pups are so cute. It looks like they already have their heaven.

Keeper Of All Things said...

Funny...I thought I heard my husband having almost the same conversation with God.

Big Hair Envy said...

Tiny Girl & Sunshine are SO adorable!!! I can almost hear them talking now.....

Chris said...

That was hilarious!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

These maxims are as useful in the human world as they are the dog world. My kids could learn a thing or two from this.

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Awwwww! Fisher wants to know if she can come over and haz cookeez?

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

Thanks for the laugh..great post.
Adorable pups!! I can see them saying it now.

The Incredible Woody said...


Mental P Mama said...

Dogs are smart. Really, really smart. Just ask one.